As of now, 6 months after I've turned 16, I, Rachel, am having a mid-teenage crisis.
You may think this is some sort of trivial, teen meltdown, but I assure you I really am having a revelation of sorts. Google defines a midlife crisis as "an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age". And I'm totally resonating with this now, except in an 'I'm a little scared for my future' and 'how the hell do I deal with all these changes'. Let me walk you through this.
This all really came crashing down on me when one of my favorite cartoon show ended in January (Regular Show) and I obviously was pretty broken up about it. That show, as I said, has been a part of my childhood for seven years and when it ended I was devastated. And then after that, it got me thinking- my childhood and youth are escaping me day by day.
For instance, Adventure Time is on it's way to their last season, and I've been watching them just as long as I have been Regular Show! Cartoons aren't the only thing. Some of my favorite game franchises have ended as well, including the Walking Dead Game and Uncharted, which were the biggest titles released for 2016, at least for me.
There is also all those online games I used to play as a kid. Both Pixie Hollow and Bearville from Build-A-Bear workshop closed down (so did Club Penguin but I didn't really play that much, now I'm grateful). And they did it without me knowing. One afternoon with a random stroke of curiosity and found that they had shut down months before I checked up on them, how is that fair? I felt dejected and depressed, I spent hours on those sites and they couldn't even give me a fair warning?
Not to mention all the reinstallations of all my childhood shows. The Fairly Odd Parents and Spongebob have been exploited for their old school popularity to cater to their networks money hungry ambitions. It's a shame since those were some of my favorite cartoons when I was younger. There was also the Zoey101 reunion episode where Chase learned what Zoey said from 10 years ago, that was a complete abomination. It wasn't funny and didn't even spark a feeling of nostalgia from the show. Disappointing.
The other half of my mid-teenage crisis that isn't the fear of all my beloved franchises ending surreptitiously, is planning for my future. Junior year is on the brink of ending and senior year is looming ahead. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to apply to college and ready for all the college ready antics, but I am afraid of not being the best I can be and becoming mediocre and complacent. I'm afraid of my essays sucking, my grades plummeting and not being unique or special in my applications.
I know this is an irrational fear since I already have looked and drafted ideas from the common app prompts, have a good overall average and can probably list a good amount of interests I have (regardless if they're lame, they still make me unique. I'm trying to remind myself I'll get through with it and what happens happens, but it still just gives me anxiety. I need to stop being afraid of confrontation and rejection because, in the wide words of Beyoncé, "We all lose. We all lose at some point and we lose when we have to".
Well, I'm only 16. maybe by the time I turn 18 this will all turn over and I'll laugh at this irrational time in my life, who knows. For now, I'll try to cope and cling to whatever I can to get through this. To Netflix I go!